Bring it back
by weirdly.introverted
Summary: Zoro and Sanji are hurting.
1. The pain

_I'm so glad you made time to see me_

 _How's life, tell me how's your family?_

 _I haven't seen them in a while_

 _You've been good, busier then ever_

 _We small talk, work and the weather_

 _Your guard is up and I know why_

I sent you a message, hoping that you still had the same number, hoping that you would take time to read it.

I knew you hated me, I knew you wouldn't want to see my face ever again. However, I gathered all my guts and put my pride back in its case, all just so that I could see you again. Just so that I could tell you everything.

A smile made its way on my lips when I saw you crossing the street to meet me. It's like the old times, but in reverse. You often waited for me back then. I imagined you texting me; asking when would I arrive and saying that you would wait no matter what.

I stared at you and you saw me. I kept my smile, but you didn't smile back. There was no single trace of humor on your face. It was stoic.

Tears started to accumulate, but I blinked them away. I didn't want you to see me cry. Not when I finally could see you.

You walked swiftly towards me just like you always do and sat on the chair across mine.

Stoic.

"Hey." I say.

"Hey." You said coldly. At that instance, I felt as if someone just stabbed me. I felt responsible. I wanted to reach out and touch you, but fear covered me. I was scared. I didn't want you to push me away. No. Not before I told you what I wanted to say.

I knew I've got to say something, so I opened my mouth and said, "I never thought that you would actually come. Thank you." I thought that it was the best thing to say, but I guessed not.

"There wouldn't be a next time." I bit back a sob at your response.

 _Sorry_.

"Oh yeah. Uhm. How are you and your sister? It's been quite a while."

"We've been good." Your face was still stoic.

 _Sorry_.

"Do you want to order something?" I asked, so that I could still have your attention.

"No. I won't stay for too long." I half expected that response, but still hurt like hell.

I've got no words to say. I looked outside and stared at the dark clouds.

"Do you have an umbrella with you? I think it might rain soon."

"Why do you care? It's none of your business after all. Just say what you want to say. I want to leave."

 _Sorry_.

"You must be busy." I said. Though, I knew that you clearly didn't want to see me.

"Spit it out."

I knew you would asked me this. I thought I was prepared. I thought I could say it easily.

I looked down and stared right back at you. Your golden eyes were cold. They were so different from those warm and delicate looks That I got used to.

I knew exactly what to say, but I just couldn't say it.

Your glare started to become sharper. Panic grew inside of me. I knew you would leave if I didn't say anything. I searched for words to say and all I could say was your name.

"Zoro."

I thought I could finally stop you from leaving, but your eyes showed me the opposite effect of your name against my tongue. You grew even more agitated.

 _Sorry_.

"Stop wasting my time if you've got nothing to say." You stood up and turned to leave, but then I called you again.

You turned to looked at me again. I knew you were about to explode. I was prepared for it, but you didn't.

You waited for me to open my mouth and talk. I took a deep breath and said the only thing I really wanted to say.

"Sorry."

"Is that all you wanted to say?" The tone of your voice became more stiff. It's like your stopping yourself from shouting. I knew you wanted to just flip out and storm out of this damn cafe.

"Yes. I mean, no."


	2. I should've told you

Because the last time you saw me  
Is still burned in the back of your mind  
You gave me roses and I left them there to die  
So this is me swallowing my pride  
Standing in front of you saying I'm sorry for that night  
And I go back to December all the time  
It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you  
Wishing I'd realized what I had when you were mine  
I'd go back to December, turn around and make it all right  
I go back to December all the time

Please, don't leave.

"If that's all you've got to say I'm going now." Zoro said coldly.

I made an attempt to call you one last time, but my voice failed me. I just stood there, staring at your back and watching you leave.

It was just like that time. That time when I asked for freedom when I thought I needed it. I asked for a temporary release. You even begged me not leave. However, our conversation turned sour.

"What are you saying? Are you breaking up with me? What did I do wrong?"

"I'll be back. I just need some air. You know exactly how I spent my days before you. I love fooling around. It's just how I really am. However, I don't want to do that to you. I don't want to do something to hurt you." I said. My voice was trembling, it was probably because of the cold weather.

"So, breaking up with me is supposedly for my sake?! Really now?! I know you still want to peel every woman out of their clothing, I know you still get swayed by them! Do you know how hard it is for me? However, I hold on. I tighten my grip on you because I don't want you to slip away!" Your voice was getting louder. I could even hear the pain in each word you said, but my mind was becoming a blur. It was like, all the hurt I have inside was pouring. Flowing.

"Are you telling me that it was my fault now? Do you even heard me complain after your fights when tons of women surrounded you like swarms of bees and clings to you! You know nothing!"

"Hah! You should've said that! I would gladly turn all of them down for you!"

"But you didn't! You smiled at them, touch them, and even let them kiss you!"

"You are talking about shit now! I wasn't the one in control with that! Unlike you, I saw you flirting with one of your exes! Talking like nothing happened, perhaps you do that every time you think I'm not around! You must be a whore!" I didn't know that you saw us talking, we were just talking about our past and how breaking up was the best thing we did. He even invited me at his wedding. I even told him that I would settle soon after his marriage, I just knew that you're perfect for me.

"Yeah, you're right! What now?! You already know what kind of person I really am! When will you say that we're through? I don't want to keep playing your game!" I didn't know why I said that. It just really hurt to hear you say that to me. Did you really think that I'm a whore? Did you really think that I could do that to you? Didn't you see how much I'd loved you?

After hearing my answer, you stormed out of my house. Throwing the flowers you bought for me and slamming the door real hard. The neighbors probably heard everything, but I didn't care. All I wanted was to cry that time. All I wanted was to pour all the pain and hurt I felt.

I wished, I could've said all those things to you. I wish I could bring back the time and tell these things to you.

You were to leave me once again.

Stop. No. Don't leave me. Not again.

I so wanted to reach out to you now and pull you back to your seat. However, I got scared. I didn't want to see that stoic expression again. It's like all your emotions were buried somewhere deep.

Hey, bring it back.


	3. Another regret

_These days I haven't been sleeping_

 _Staying up playing back myself leaving_

 _When your birthday passed and I didn't call_

 _And I think about summer, all the beautiful times_

 _I watched you laughing from the passenger side_

 _And realized I'd loved you in the fall_

 _And then the cold came, the dark days when fear crept into my mind_

 _You gave me all your love and all I gave you was goodbye_

It's the fourth time this week. The fourth time when I couldn't bring myself to sleep. The fourth day that whenever I closed my eyes, I could see your back facing me, and in every blink of an eye, shadows started eating you out. Draining every bit of your memory from my soul.

No. This was not what I expected, totally not what I wanted.

It had always been my fault.

I know.

My days passed by just like that. In every single day, I was dying rather than living. In every second, every minute, and every hour of everyday, a time bomb slowly grew deep inside me. Each happy memory fill this time bomb in me. Making every joyous memory a hellish reality.

And there I was, sitting in a corner, waiting for the last tic and tock of my life.

Every breath was a sweet nightmare. It reminded me of the days I spent with you and the days I SHOULD HAVE spent with you.

November 11. That was your birthday, but instead of celebrating it with you, I just stared at my phone. Thinking whether to call you or send a single message.

But then again, I became a coward. I got scared.

I wanted to hear your voice so badly, but that would probably led to a breakdown. I did not want you to see how messed up I was during those days I spent without you, yet I wanted you to know just how much I love you.

One day, while I tried to get on with my life, I saw you with your crowd; laughing without a care in the world. That scene made me remember when I let you drive my car. You were really happy that day, but instead of getting in our destination, we somehow lost our way. How could someone get lost in a straight highway? It took hours til I got us back on the right path, and you got angry at me for laughing at your sense of direction.

"Will you cut it out?" You said.

I tried my best to look you straight in the eyes without laughing but I cant. How can someone look at you without laughing when you look so frustrated, with your wrinkled forehead and nose? It was like you're trying to solve the greatest mystery on Earth when in truth, you were just trying to figure out how the hell the roads moved from their rightful places.

"You really got moss for brains. How did you manage to get us lost when all you have to do was cross a goddam straight path?!" I said laughing.

Even though I laughed at you real hard, you still couldn't get angry at me seriously. In fact, you laughed with me without even knowing what you were laughing for. You probably must love me deeper than what I've thought.


	4. The Last Goodbye

I _miss your tan skin, your sweet smile, so good to me, so right_

 _And how you held me in your arms that September night_

 _The first time you ever saw me cry_

 _Maybe this is wishful thinking_

 _Probably mindless dreaming_

 _But if we loved again I swear I'd love you right_

 _I'd go back in time and change it but I can't_

 _So if the chain is on your door, I understand_

 _..._

I missed you.

I missed your everything, from the weird strands of your hair to the thumping of your boots against the floor. Remember that time when you tried to surprise me with an attack, but your damn boots gave you away? That was so funny because you were more irritated than surprised.

I missed those irritating sneers that you gave me or those flirty stares you threw my way.

I missed seeing you eat my food. Your brutish way of eating. The loud chews and burps. Or the subtle chink of silverware against china. People wouldn't believe me if I told them that you were not a hopeless case when it came to fine dining. Even I could not believe it, not until when you told me that you actually looked it up, so you wouldn't end up embarrassing me on social functions I coerced you into. I don't know how to respond, so I kissed you instead. Deeply. Not even caring if there were people who were looking at us. I did not care. All I want was to convey how I feel about you properly.

I missed how you stayed with me and hugged all night when Zeff fell ill. You were so calm that day while I was making a ruckus. I shouted at everyone and almost kicked the shit out of that excuse of a doctor. You stopped me and held me close as you whispered in my ear.

"He would be fine and Zeff would kick your ass if he heard what you had done he when he woke up." Just these simple words made me realize how frustrated I was, so I turned my emotions down a notch. I clung onto you and felt your warm hand tracing soothing circles on my back as I wept quietly.

Were there times when you also missed all these things? Did you miss me? Did you imagine me behind your counter as I cooked younyour breakfast? Did you remember my food whenever you order shit food at that pizza place you really loved? Did you wish to see me when the smell of nicotine floated around you? I wished you did.

Someone said that the most important people were the only ones who could hurt you. Were you angry at me because you still cared? You wouldn't waste time seeing me if you didn't, right? I KNEW you. I knew how lazy you were, but you still chose to see me that day. You still cared for me. You probably still loved me.

Perhaps, there was still a chance for us? Perhaps, we could still be together. I would heal the wounds I caused you. I would fixed them, all of them. This was a bad idea. I fucking knew that! I desperately held on these wishful thoughts day by day!

I swore to never hurt you again!

I'd go back in time and change it, but I couldn't. I was not a magician or a wizard or some fucking genius who could make a time machine and stop myself from spewing hurtful words at you. I wouldn't end up hurting ourselves.

But the sad truth was you would never forgive me. Not anytime soon. Not until the pain and the wound healed. Not when I could still remember those cold eyes boring deep into my soul. Not when I still loved you this much. Not even in this lifetime.

I understood.

That's why this would be my last goodbye.

This would be the last apology you would hear from me.

I would disappear from your life.

 _I'm sorry._

 _Thank you._

 _Goodbye_.


End file.
